Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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