i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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