I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
