Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You pole danced in your parka.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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