my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
