i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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