I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
