Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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