is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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