I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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