Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
