i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
