dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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