I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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