So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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