Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
as a side note pls kill me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
