a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
