i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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