A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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