The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Randomize
