i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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