When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
