Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
