I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
