I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
