I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
