whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
