new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
