so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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