her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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