My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize