Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
