I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
