Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
