Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
