The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
