I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
