I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
