I bet he comes in French.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
