the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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