i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
