It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize