I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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