I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
