Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
