I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
