Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
barbara walters just said penis...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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