The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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