Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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