i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize