i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You're a waste of cheezeits
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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