Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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