Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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