Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
