I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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