RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
