that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
