last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
