Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We have so much sex to catch up on
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
