he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
