wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
