You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
