just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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