she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Vodka?
Forever.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
