Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
