don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
