p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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