remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
