You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
