Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
